Search This Blog

Friday, April 2, 2010

Barberella's SHIT LIST!!!! I'm PMSing on Good Friday, so I apologize in advance...

The "Songs for the heinous bitch who doesn't pick up her bitch's shit" list..... >;D

I just have to vent here on Good Friday. I apologize. I own a dog, I'm sure many of you do, too. Dogs shit...fact of life. Dog shit=many plastic baggies. I know I look like a complete tool with a huge pocket bulging with plastic, plastic wrapped around my fat little hand, scooping around on the ground trying to catch the steaming offering to the dietary fiber gods, just as soon as it slides out of the ass of my adorable little four-legged vet bill.....dogs shit...and, yes, even if you look like a tool, swinging around a hot, steaming little baggy full of Hershey's do do it because THAT'S WHAT YOU F*CKING DO AS A DOG OWNER!! Now you know how every Spring, when the snow melts...the world around you briefly resembles a landmine strewn Afghan desert.....little shit bombs waiting everywhere....just for you to track into car, so you can have some healthy aromatherapy waft up from the floor mats on your morning commute. I know there's a hell of a lot of folks who obviously don't want to stick their baggy covered hand into a rapidly melting pile of snow, digging around for a steaming hot turd. I'm sure it's much easier to just cover it up with a foot full of snowy whiteness and just go on your merry way....whatever. CSI isn't gonna come around in the Spring and match the DNA in the turd back to your dog and bust's not like matching the grooves on a spent bullet to the grooves in a gun be it....whatever. Not cool...but not blatant, right?  Soooo, obviously I have a point to make with this longwinded, endless rant. BLATANT SHAMELESS SHITTERS. Yup. Shameless, not blameless. There is this ghetto bitch from hell in my neighborhood....Oh, yeah...ghetto as ghetto can possibly be. G-H-E-T-T-Ooooooo! Did I say ghetto? fine, I'll say it again...ghetto. She owns a dog...she walks the dog....she's TOO DAMN GOOD TO PICK HER DOG SHIT UP! Obviously picking up after your dog is for stupid-ass tools like the rest of us. She doesn't just let the dog shit everywhere....she's blatant about doing it right on your lawn, right on the sidewalk, right on the kids' playground. Hated and pointed out by the other dog owners....reviled by neighbors....brawls have nearly occurred from folks getting in her face about it. I've even gotten drunk....collected every baggy I could find in the park garbage can....and snuck over and deposited them inside the the lobby door of her apartment at 3AM one morning (true, not one of my more shining moments...but sooo very worth it). watch her dog dump a hot one on the playground, in front of everyone. Charming. Well, this longwinded tale ends of the park moms yelled out at her...startled her dog...and dog pulled hard on the leash. She had a cell phone to her ear as usual. She got pulled off balance...her big fat, hot pink capri-covered ghetto bootay landed RIGHT IN HER DOG'S STEAMING ASS PILE and got dragged in it for about 3 feet, before she was able to get to her sandal covered pedicured feet and limp out of the park to go catch her precious little shit filled furry bundle of luv!! God.....I love you! God is great, and justice is a beautiful thing!! This list is for you hon....."Songs for the heinous bitch who walks her bitch". Oh, and for responsible dog owners who appreciate God's sense of humour.....enjoy!!

Here's the link:

Here's the tunage:

Jack Harris and The Arabians-Dog Wild (1963)
    Some screamin' R&B...ass kickin'...perfect!
Stray Cats-Dig dirty doggie
    From "Rant 'N Rave with the Stray Cats" (1983)
Jett Powers-Hound Dog
    A cover of Big Mama Thornton's 'Hound dog' by Jett Powers, AKA P.J. Proby (1958)
Buddy Johnson and his Orchestra-'Lil dog
    (1947) A great one from the amazingly swinging Buddy Johnson and co.
Marvin Gaye-I'll be doggone
    I know y'all know this 1965 gem.
Patsy Cline-I'm a walking the dog (Live on 'Town and Country')
    A live cut from the "Town and Country" show...excellent!
Mountain Mountaineers-Dirty dog blues
    Some kicking western swing blues....
Led Zeppelin-Black dog
    Do I even need to? nah...I KNOW you know this one.....
Big Mama Thornton-Just like a dog (barkin' up the wrong tree)
    An unreleased cut
Rosco Gordon-No more doggin'
    A 1952 R&B hit for Rosco Gordon
Shangri-Las-Bull dog
    The 'B' side of the 1965 single "I Can Never Go Home Anymore"
Hawkshaw Hawkins-Dog House boogie
    One of his first recordings, from 1948.
Freddie Mitchell-Moondog boogie
    A great R&B instrumental from 1952, written for  Cleveland DJ Alan Freed, who called himself "Moondog."
Jimmie Revard and his Oklahoma Playboys-Dirty dog
    More excellent hot western swing...this from 1936.
Ben's bad boys-Yellow dog blues

    A 1929 release from a Ben Pollack group, that featured Dick Morgan, Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Jimmy McPartland, Vic Briedis, and Ray Brauduc.
Blind Blake-Police dog blues
    A 1929 blues recording by Blind Blake.
Etta James-Watch dog
    A cover of Don Covay's 'Watch Dog', from 1968.
Frank Zappa-Dog Breath
    From the 1972, "Just another band from LA"
Jackie Wilson-Doggin' Around
    The absolutely wonderful 1960 R&B hit.

No comments:

Post a Comment